Nature has been a strong thread through all my life, but it has been particularly valuable and I believe healing, especially in my emotional or mental health in the last few months during my treatment for cancer.
After the big upheaval of moving house from Hertfordshire to Hampshire last year I received advice from my new GP to get checked for bowel cancer. After a number of tests I had an operation in March to remove the cancer. Fortunately I was told that the cancer could be removed and there would be no need for chemo. The operation has left me with a stoma which is mostly manageable and one or two other issues. There are many ups and downs with a cancer diagnosis and treatment which have quite a big impact on one’s mental health so I wanted to write about this to try to show how Nature has been central to my healing.
My diagnosis came at the darkest time of the year and it was rather anxiety provoking. But early February is also the time when the first signs of spring are appearing, snow drops. The season echoed my experience of feeling low, dark and yet there were little signs of new life that gave me hope. This was a very uncertain time so outward signs of new growth to come were good to hold on to.
The operation was in mid March and I was in hospital for a week. I did miss my home and new garden. It was hard not to be able to see the first shoots of spring out of the window of the hospital. I did my own guided meditation walking around my garden looking at the different areas that I had planted and seeds that my partner said were beginning to germinate.
Jenny’s garden © Jenny Leslie
There was a bit of a glitch after the operation as the tumour was bigger than was first thought and the surgeon thought there might be a need for chemo. So again a period of great uncertainty. Again the signs of new growth, daffodils by this time, were inspiring and affirming. Fortunately after three weeks I was told that the cancer had not spread.
Spring is a wonderful time to be convalescent, it was great to be able to sit in the conservatory and watch the birds. I came out of hospital on March 21st, the spring equinox. It really did feel like a passing from the dark to the light. The GreenSpirit online celebrations of the Spring Equinox had a very inspirational meaning for me this year.
As it is our first year in the garden it was particularly exciting to watch new plants and shrubs come into flower. We have camellias that were in flower in March and not long after the rhododendrons were lovely.
Jenny’s garden © Jenny Leslie
Of course there have been wobbly times, the diet when you have a ‘stoma’ is almost the opposite of a healthy diet, i.e. no roughage. But l like to study spirituality and psychology, at the moment Thomas Hübl and The Mystic Café, and Polyvagal therapy. Polyvagal can involve a number of approaches to release stress. I am finding yoga informed by polyvagal theory very useful and also the idea of ‘glimmers’. Glimmers are a form of positive therapy where one is encouraged to focus and give thanks for beautiful things. This has fitted very well with my ethos of green spirituality. There have been a lot of natural things to watch and give thanks for, we have woodpeckers who come to our bird feeders that l can see from the conservatory, also foxes and deer. Although we live in the suburbs we have a lot of trees and now long grass, it was particularly lovely to see a deer and then a fawn hiding in the long grass. The natural world is particularly inspiring and brings a lot of joy and a lot to give thanks for. Central elements, l think to a healthy spiritual life.
Jenny’s garden © Jenny Leslie
Companionship of one’s own species is also very important, having recently moved to Hampshire at first l didn’t know many people. This has made being part of GreenSpirit’s Anam Cara, (soul friends) group especially valuable. A regular meeting with a group of people who are supportive and who have a similar approach to spirituality and the importance of Nature in all its aspects has been so helpful.
My sense is that ‘love’ is the most valuable thing and central to this is love and respect for the natural world. That that includes myself and that although these last few months have been tough, l feel that my engagement with all these things has been enhanced.